How to talk to people that have cancer.

So I'm going for a change in direction a little bit. I want to keep this blog limited to my experiences with cancer, but I also don't want to update every few days with the same old "hey, I've got side effects" that I've recently been doing. News from this camp will be very limited the next few weeks unless something drastic happens (which I don't really foresee at this point). So instead I'll take the time to write out some of my own personal feelings and philosophies about what is really happening in my life. I think the best place to start would be addressing the issue of how to talk to people that have cancer.

This has actually been on my mind for a while; I have a list of topics ready to go but something recently happened that made me want to post this first. Some friends of mine had some news delivered to them that I think neither were expecting. While they are not dealing with cancer, it is certainly devastating to them in it's own way. No parent should have to deal with an illness with the child, but they have so far handled it with grace, knowing they have to get through the tough times ahead.

The biggest difficulty I have seen them face is the assumptions people make, not having the full set of facts and merely going on popular thought. I know when I had to first break the news to family and friends I was bombarded with questions and well wishes to the extent that I felt I was repeating myself. Sometimes I'd lose track of everything and end up repeating myself. I felt like a broken record, constantly repeating myself. I think one of the biggest reasons I started this blog was to create a place to consistently present the information given to me and answer questions openly for everyone to see.

But one of the biggest things I've realized so far is that many people aren't sure what to say or how to act. It's no lie that this is the most troubling time I've had to go through. It doesn't mean people need to walk on eggshells around me. I think the biggest fear is saying something that might make me angry or sad. Worse yet, someone might say something that would offend me and I'd take it as a personal insult. I can honestly say so far no one has done so. However, the reason is because people aren't sure what is the best thing to say. So often I'll get the "thinking about you" or "you're in thoughts/prayers", but most often I don't hear anything simply because of this innate fear of saying something bad.

Now, I don't want to speak for all cancer patients. But I know I can speak for myself. Before I go any further, I would like to reference this article I recently read concerning what should and shouldn't be said to people with cancer.

Don't Say This to a Cancer Patient

The big thing I'd like to point out is in the last half of the article. I know sometimes people mean well and that is what counts for me. The biggest example is when people tell me they are praying for me or something else along those lines. I do not believe in a god or any sort of afterlife. But I know they do. I am not going to reject someone else's beliefs and try to toss it back into their face during a time of personal turmoil. My family and friends use their faith to get through this time with me and I thank them for it because I know deep down they mean well. (Just a note: I'll get more into the religious side of things in a later post).

The main point I am trying to get at is I understand no one is perfect; we are not infallible and prone to make mistakes. I have a tough skin and am not easily insulted on an accidental level. I certainly hope everyone reading this knows they have no need to clam up around me. It is actually exciting to me to be challenged by personal and involving questions and don't mind answering them or talking about any subject in particular.