Planning for the Future

First, I want to give a quick update. I've started tapering off my steroids this week. I won't finish my entire dosage until after my 4th infusion. Hopefully, the steroids will keep any inflammation in check as I continue to wean off of them. Coincidentally the past couple of days I've had a bit more gas and bowel movements than usual, but I'm attributing it to the fact my diet included a box of donuts and lots of iced cookies. I'm certain the sugar and carbs are playing a tune on my stomach, but I'm keeping an eye on things.

The main reason for this post is I still have a lot of story to tell about my cancer and my life that really isn't related (at least directly) to my treatment. It's nice to keep everyone updated on currents, but my other goal with the blog was to delve into my own mind and spew my thoughts at everyone. My intention is for people to understand my side of the story or help others cope by explaining what it is exactly I (and many other cancer patients) deal with. Maybe not on an everyday basis, but it comes up from time to time. I don't dwell on my cancer, but acknowledging it from time to time is bound to happen.

The other day I started thinking about the future and making plans. In the past, things like this came easy. Where would we like to go on vacation? When is a good time to visit with family out of state? Maybe a nice road trip sometime. Hey, how about college?

Dealing with cancer makes these choices much more... sporadic. Prior to my diagnosis back in April, we had a couple trips set up, in addition to plans for me to continue my college education. Since then, I've suspended my education until we can get a stable timetable of events dealing with my treatment. We've cancelled one trip (albeit in lieu of another more succinct and impromptu trip). We have plans for my parents to visit during Christmas and take them to the North Georgia mountains for a couple of days as a gift, but we also reasonably know to expect the unexpected and possibly cancel last minute if needed.

Not planning for the future does not mean I am accepting my fate. I still live with the fact that it's possible I may not beat this, but I don't let it affect my ability to look ahead. I still have plans to go back and finish my second degree, find a job, and start making money again. I want to help build a house on a nice plot of land somewhere rural with my wife. Long term plans and looking ahead like this keep things going.

It's the short term stuff that seems more hectic. Not knowing exactly how long my treatments are going to last. Will they continue to be effective in a year from now? What happens next if I go into remission? Good things could happen, but bad things could happen too. All you can do is live day by day and be as spontaneous as possible.